I was having an interesting conversation with an HR friend of mine last night over a nice glass of wine… She had recently led her business leaders through a Talent Review process and had a noteworthy realization after reviewing all of the top leaders within the team. It seems that every female leader was given developmental feedback that related back to a lack of confidence. That said, there were no male leaders who were given similar feedback. And, as much as she hated to agree with what appeared on the surface to be gender-biased feedback, she followed their line of logic and felt compelled to agree…
In general, there was more of a tendency for women to outwardly question or react – positively and negatively – to their actions after an event, meeting, etc. This appeared to baffle their male counterparts and was noted as lack of confidence by both males and females as they considered the performance of these women. This lack of confidence was a key factor taken into consideration in assessing these women’s future potential. And, my friend and I recognized – not surprisingly - that this phenomenon did not appear to be limited to the top business leaders within my friend’s team.
This, of course, got us thinking… We first considered our own experiences and both immediately recalled examples when we walked out of meetings and verbally engaged in the “I wish I had…” dialogue (As for my own example, I can even recall the look on my male counterpart’s face, who seemed confused and felt compelled to give me positive feedback – to try to ‘pump me up’. Although I wasn’t excited about the reaction, in truth, I’m not sure what alternative reaction I expected from him…)
Now, in this world of information, we all know that there have been many studies of male / female differences, many of which focus on this topic of confidence. And, my point is not to turn this into a research paper (I did lots – maybe too much – of that in graduate school). Rather, my point is to offer up some questions for consideration…
1. Is there a reality to the idea that lack of confidence is a characteristic to which women are more prone in the leadership ranks?
2. What are the implications from a developmental perspective? Is this an example of ‘perception is reality’ and the solution is primarily educational in nature?
3. How does the idea of emotional maturity factor into this conversation? It is interesting to note that realism and self-analysis are characteristics of emotional maturity, whereas denial and avoidance indicate emotional immaturity. Are these two ideas in conflict? Where is the balance?
I’m curious what others think and have experienced on this topic… Thoughts?
CB
says
Lisa:
Great questions! I, too, have had similar experiences - leaving meetings or calls thinking about what I could have done differently or better, and wanting to debrief about it. And I can see where others would interpret this as a lack of confidence on the part of a female. However, to me it is less about that, and more about processing how the meeting went, what can be done differently or better next time to get a better result. Recalling my own studies in grad school, women tend to be more reflective and more focused on improvement. Is this indicative of a lack of self-confidence? I don't think so, rather, to me, evidence of humility...
All that having been said, what it comes down to is perception versus reality, intent versus impact. My question is this: what is it about our professional environments (and perhaps our societies in general) that take to interpreting women's tendency towards self-reflection, improvement, etc., negatively as a lack of self-confidence, and how can women help to reframe the conversation?